


hard to be soft, tough to be tender

by isacabral



Series: in another life you must have been mine [5]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Tumblr Prompt, angst-ish, buffy au-ish, couldn't help myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 21:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18819556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isacabral/pseuds/isacabral
Summary: based off a tumblr prompt: things you said when you were scared.





	hard to be soft, tough to be tender

**Author's Note:**

> Who's surprised this turned out to be another Buffy AU? Not me, that's for sure. Thanks Nate (@queerdox on tumblr) for sending this!

_ “You're not welcome here. You come near us and I'll kill you.” _

 

_ “I know you're there. And I know what you are.” _

 

_ “Do you?” _

 

_ “I'm just an animal, right?” _

 

_ “You're not an animal. Animals I like. _ ”

 

//

 

Laura feels awful. She knows she shouldn’t but she also can’t help the way Carmilla makes her feel. 

 

For better or for worse.

 

She can be honest with herself and admit that, for a while now, she’s been nurturing some non-platonic feelings for the broody and mysterious brunette with well-timed appearances. Laura can’t exactly pinpoint what it is — maybe the fact she doesn’t have to hide from her the fact that she’s a vampire slayer or the leather jacket she lended Laura a while ago and never got back or the smirks and “see you around, cupcake” — but she can acknowledge that those inconvenient feelings are there.

 

The impropriety of it all just got bigger once Laura found out Carmilla was a vampire, right after she had saved Laura’s life and the slayer was tending to her wounds. Which led to shirts being gone. Which led to some innocent flirting. And some not-so-innocent kissing. And then to Carmilla losing control and vamping out in front of Laura before fleeing her house.

 

That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part came after some misunderstanding and miscommunication happened, Laura thought Carmilla had attacked her dad and all hell broke loose. There was a fight. Things were said…

 

Bad, awful things that Laura wishes now more than anything she could take back. Because, in the end, her gut feeling was right and Carmilla ended up saving her life again.

 

Laura wants more than anything to see Carmilla, to find her and apologize and just… she just needs to see Carmilla.

 

“Hey, Frosh,” Laura looks up from her drink when LaF and Perry join her at the bar. “How you’re holding up?”

 

Laura shrugs. “Dad’s getting discharged tonight.”

 

They nod, each taking a seat by her side. Perry orders all of them another round and they make small talk for a while, trying to ignore the big white elephant in the room. Laura knows it’s just a matter of time before they ask.

 

“So… no word from Carmilla yet?”

 

And there it was.

 

“LaFontaine!” Perry admonishes them.

 

“It’s okay, Per,” Laura smiles a little. “No, I haven’t heard from her. Which feels kind of… weird, I guess. Because throughout this whole thing I could always feel as if she was watching me, you know?”

 

LaF clears their throat and gives Perry a weird, knowing look before continuing. “Well, in a way I think she sort of is, Frosh. In that weird, stealthy way she does,” Laura concedes to their point, taking a big swig of her drink. “In another and absolutely  _ non-creepy _ way... she's also right over there.”

 

Laura chokes on her drink before looking over to where LaFontaine is pointing and seeing Carmilla there, barely concealed by the bar’s poor lighting. She can’t make out her eyes but she can feel the intensity of her stare, wreaking havoc on her feelings.

 

She takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself, and walks across the packed dance floor, over to Carmilla.

 

“I didn’t think I’d see you tonight,” she says in lieu of a greeting.

 

“I just wanted to see if you were okay. And your dad,” Carmilla replies.

 

Laura shrugs, trying to look aloof. “We’re alright,” she looks up at Carmilla who, for the first time since she’s met her, looks nervous. “You?”

 

Carmilla lets out a bitter laugh. “If I can go a little while without getting shot or stabbed I'll be fine, cupcake.”

 

There’s a beat of silence in which the slow song that had been playing turns into a more upbeat one, causing the dance floor to get even more packed and pushing Laura and Carmilla even closer together.

 

“Listen…”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

They both speak at the same time and then stop. Laura takes a deep breath before continuing.

 

“Carm, I-I’m… sorry,” she sighs, fidgeting with her hands. “I-I said some really not nice things to you back… back when we were fighting with Will and, well. I was scared. You didn’t deserve them.”

 

“I kinda did,” Carmilla says, lips shotting up in a smirk. “I lied to you and—”

 

“But you also saved me! Twice!” Laura interrupts her. “That has to count for something, right?”

 

Carmilla just mirrors her shrug from moments ago, not really saying anything. She had a resigned look on her face and Laura’s stomach twisted thinking about why that could be.

 

“Listen, Laura…” Carmilla started again. “I got to… I just gotta walk away from this. From you. From… whatever we are.”

 

Laura’s spine goes rigid. She was sort of prepared for it but it didn’t make the statement hurt any less.

 

“I know,” Laura nods, agreeing. Maybe she is resigned too. “Me too. It’s… it’s better this way.”

 

“It is. Better.” Carmilla concurs.

 

Neither of them moves, though. Instead, they give into the invisible force pulling them together. They look at each other a moment longer before Laura reaches her hands up to Carmilla’s neck, threading her fingers in her hair and pulling her down for a kiss.

 

They kiss passionately for a moment and Laura feels a rush of feelings coursing through her body, wondering how it’s possible to feel so alive at the same time she wants so desperately to die from the pain of knowing this couldn’t last.

 

They separate, Laura is flustered and breathing heavily and Carmilla is looking the most disheveled she has ever seen. Laura’s oddly proud of it.

 

“You okay?” she asks when it takes Carmilla a while to open her eyes.

 

“Yeah.” Carmilla assuages her. “It’s just…”

 

“Painful,” Laura finishes for her. “I know.”

 

They look at each other deeply one more time before separating completely.

 

“See you around?” Laura asks before joining her friends.

 

Carmilla smirks at her one last time before turning back. “See you around, cupcake.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
